so far away

Hello guys.

Well, Merry Christmas for those who celebrating it, I'm not that late kan HOHOHO

So how have y'all been? Are things okay in your life? Is there anything that keep yourself from being happy? I hope y'all feel okay, for whatever happen in currently. Find things that can make you happy, even in the slightest moment of your life (':

I cried last night. It’s just one moment and it’s not that bad. I listened to sad songs these days and it really bothers me, my mind and my feeling. Things have been worse because I received some bad news almost the same time and I guess that’s triggered me to cry. I looked like a fool for crying like that. It’s funny because all of it is my fault.

Study? Just the same, it’s bad as it is. I’m sorry mom and dad, I might disappoint you more after this. I’m not a good daughter to you both as well. I dwell on my feelings more than my study. I let myself getting wrecked for this silly stuff of mine, when you both are working hard to give me all. I cant even say I miss you I love you because I’m feel embarrassed to do so. Hahaha isn’t I terrible? But mom, dad, I love you both. I just need to say it somehow and anywhere will count. I’m sorry mom, dad.

Best friend? Out of things in my life, I really hate this part. It’s not hate like I hate my best friend but I’m aware that I’m not good with this friendship(s). Yes, I have many groups of best friend. And it hurts me that I don’t do good things to them. I often left them hanging, treating them nonchalantly, cursing them, and the most important thing is that I’m not there when they needed me. Besides, I always act like I don’t have best friend, oh gosh what a jerk HAHAHAHAHA I tried to make friends because that’s how naturally I am, but the moment I started to befriend with em, that kind of spark doesn’t really there. I love them of course, if not why would I stay with em. It’s just I don’t think I deserve them. They could get a better (best) friend than me. I’m sorry buddies.

As y’all reading this, I might get if anyone of you will say, ‘’ then get yourself together and treat them better you asshole’’ , ‘’they really need to get out of your grasp’’ and so on. Call me negative thinker or what but that’s how I am. I feel insecure every time even at the time i’m with anyone. It’s just…..come into my mind, invaded my mind and telling me that I don’t deserve them, they don’t deserve me, I am bad, I am a fucked up girl. Hahahaha

Avie in the end of 2018 is not same with the beginning of the year. It’s like two different people because of the character, experience and stuff. Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy the days left before we get into 2019.

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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