Goodbye 2019

Hello fellas.

How was your 2019??

To be honest, I can’t think of anything right now. So many things happened, good and bad of course. And I don’t even sure if this year has turned me into someone else, or just added a new version of me. Everything is just fucking wholesome. But for sure, I did few immature and silly things. Can’t even mention it but when I think about it, I know I just shouldn’t be.

I couldn’t just share the bad things so let me just share a few accomplishments I have done this year. Let’s start with, officially commissioned as Second Lieutenant in Air Force (yeehaww!) I was a cadet for 3 years and after 2 weeks of training, we (all PALAPES cadets) had our ceremony at UTM. It’s like getting promoted and it was definitely one of the best moment in 2019. I almost cried and my parents were there as well. Though I didn’t have enough time to spend with them. I feel sorry for troubling them to come yet didn’t get to meet me longer. Everything was rushed and I hate it. Again, I’m so proud of myself and that, got me thinking to continue in as an officer. What a scary thought to be honest.

Next, I’ve done my internship at somewhere in Seremban. I mean, look at me, I’m from Sabah, study at Pahang and intern at Negeri Sembilan. At least I tried at a place that totally new for me. It was scary but thanks God, I have a friend from same university doing internship with me. And it was my very first time to rent a room (because I was alone), without much preparation and thoughts. That was because, I got the offer few days before my flight to another place offered. But I chose the latter because they give allowance (which is extremely important) because I live by my own, and with no transport at all. However, all praise to Him too, that everything went well. The people there were totally warm, welcoming me as their family and friend. It was such a short time, lesser than 3 months. *psst, I have a crush with someone there pheww

And yeahhhh, the last one would be my final year project. I’ve done the experiment and thesis (well my thesis still needs correction by the time I’m writing this). That was because, the final submission of hardbound thesis is on 13/1 so I still got time to add up things and so on. So many things happened during the semester and I could say that it was majorly my faults. Can’t blame anyone else but me, myself. Things could’ve been easier and better if I did the right things throughout the semester. However I should be grateful because I’ve overcome most of the journey and this correction is the last one before I can declare my freedom. I had a major breakdown, the lowest point in my life because of the workload (fyp and plant design). Props to those, who helped me all the way till now, the support they gave me, the spirit they showed me to keep it up and finish it all. Thanks a lot tho 🥰

That’s what I can say about my achievements in 2019. Well, to make this year dramatic, there should be a “drama” right. I’ve got rejected multiple times, got played by someone’s boyfriend, being an option for some people just because I have feelings for em. My studies just the same, maybe a bit better than before. But still I’m getting more insecure each day. Can’t help but just keep it up, thinking that I have a year left to graduate. My family suddenly have to make drama as well, so that was shocking. I’ve told ya I had a lowest point few weeks ago and that was the first time I reached to my sister to calm me down. I cried my heart out and my roommates worried for me. Sorry tho. I lost my best friend to someone else and it broke me more ((:

Speaking of best friend, I just recently went out to a mall, with another group of friend. Spending time for the last time since they’ll be going to spend the last semester for internship. She asked me something that makes me think a lot, “do you even have someone to talk to when you’re really upset or feels wanna cry?” And I thought about it so fucking hard. The most heartbreaking part was that I couldn’t think of anyone. It's upsetting because I used to mention that one certain name, however I can’t even mention the name anymore. It feels nothing, feels like I’m all alone. Issokayyy tho, I can’t force people to stay and stick with me ((:

Anyway, I have to end this here because I think this is enough. Thanks for those who came into my life, no matter if you stay or not because somehow you were still a part in my life even just for a moment. It was totally a weird year for me, I don’t know if I was living the best of my life or just the worst one. There were honestly so many lessons throughout the year and I should really take note of each. This should be the last year I tolerate about things that took the most of me. Things were so different a year ago ((:

For 2020, I humbly wish that it would be a great year for me. No matter in what aspect of life. I hope to get a better me, matured one, happy and more kindhearted person. I really need to set a bigger goals, great vibes and more positive aura. Last but not least, living my life to the fullest. It’s kinda hard I know, but a little effort won’t hurt right. 

Love, 

xoxo 💋 

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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