comrade

Holla!

So this time I’m going to talk about friends or just ‘acquaintances’. Why? This is just my experiences. Also, I’m not going to badmouth em, like there’s really no need to do that. I’m just telling my stories and how it affects my life.

First of all, I’m well known as someone that friendly, talkative, laugh loudly and only going to shut up when I’m alone (of course) and when I don’t have answer for the questions I got HAHAHA. When I have problem? I still talk, either me being an asshole to make a joke on others so I can laugh or just stupidly rant to anyone near me. Really, I hate that myself. I always forget that not everyone want to know about my stories, because of many reasons. Yet my mouth can’t stop talking and talking and talking. Me too, really good at making friends, like I’m just gonna ask people their names, talk about random stuff at random places OH GOD. These trait, are completely opposite to my face (or precisely my expression). People always make assumptions on why my face looks sleepy or angry or sad BECAUSE I TELL YOU, THAT’S MY FACE I don’t ask for this. But believe me, when I smile I look better (ouh how silly avie)

Okay, that’s just an intro for those who don’t know me HAHAHAHA (I am good at marketing myself uwu). So back to the main point, y’all can tell how easy for me to make friends and of course I’m gonna have so many friends from different side of places.

I’m sorry but yeah, let’s start. When I was in kindergarten, I was really naughty and probably known as a troublemaker. I love to talk and play around. And then I went  to primary school ( I was in grade 1) where I found my ex-crush’s mom OMFG his mom is a nurse that came to my school and my silly mouth just talked to her like I’ve known her since in my mom’s womb lol.

And of course, this continue till secondary school (boarding school in my case), and this where things started. Y’all know people with each ‘gang’ and it applied to me as well. They’re good people for sure, but me as an asshole (again) I started to get jealous. Like, I just wanna em to be with me, and not others. But I’m allowed to be friends with others while they can’t. I bet y’all can see where is this going ammirite? My jealousy was getting worse and I was getting more possessive wasn’t a good thing to remember ugh. Things were getting heated to the next years and I started to have another ‘gang’ and still, I treated them same as the first gang. It’s like, I’m the leader of the pack and I’m the only one that ruled the gang. We even got in fight because of this and cried. That’s how girls act bruh, fight and cry. But that kind of ‘leader’ or whatsoever ended because I’m moving to another school. Well, having same kind of traits with new people really helped me getting new friends asap. It felt like I was there since earlier. And yeah, things were getting better but I have a new trauma which makes me don’t want to involve with new gang. But somehow, things happened and I can’t say anything anymore. I still have that jealousy all over me for past years and I hate myself  for feeling like that. I can’t even say this because I’m acting like a possessive friend. (okay this is the real me)

At the same time, I got a friend who applied to school next to me. It’s a boarding school as well, a sbp school. Every weekend or every 2 weeks, I went there and spend my time with her. And of course, I made friends too. Gosh, intelligent students around me? I can’t relate HAHAHAHA they don’t even have to ask me when I arrived, because they knew it was for my friend. This went for 2 years and I can say that I really had a great time because of it. Exchanging notes and hint for our biggest exam, SPM because why not HAHAHAHAHA. Then, SPM ended and we all go to different path. My main point for this, I even have (many) friends from other school as well (applause)

Matriculations life? I’m happy as well, but my circle of friends getting smaller due to lack of free time and kind of closed because some people didn’t really open up to make some friends. I used ‘smile’ as my first weapon but guess I failed. Yeah, we were having packed schedule and don’t really go out. Weekends spent with close friends also. I only stick with my ‘gang’, classmates and my roommates, OML <3 Other than that, I didn’t enjoy joining any clubs or sports at the moment, so I guess that’s one of the reasons. A year of matriculations with the friends that I only have was a paradise indeed.

And now, here I am, as a student at one of the university located at somewhere in peninsular, really make it wide range now. i met new friends from matric also, heol we didn’t even know each other during that time and now we are all good, thanks heaven. I found friends from all over the states and yeah I developed some personality because for some reasons, people here don’t really comfortable with how sabahan acts. But I don’t really mind it and it is great that people still accept it wholeheartedly (wow it’s my first time using the word). I have many friends here and I, myself still act silly, more friendly, and talkative more than ever.

Somehow, experiences from previous moments of my life keep me composed more, thinking that I don’t want to experience it again. It hurts to be honest, because friends are made to keep us company, be there when we need em and stick together no matter what happen. However, we are talking about human nature, which is not perfect despite how bad we want em to be. Always bear in mind that quality over quantity. No matter how many friends you have, it’s either 10 or 100 or 1000 people, keep yourself to people who you know you can rely onto, put your trust on em and keep em like a pearl. If you don’t find one, then be one. Be that kind of person that others want to be friend and keep you and believe in you with everything. It’s not easy, but don’t think that you are useless and not important just because you haven’t found one. The best will come. Thank you xoxo (':

To all of my friends, I'll take this moment to apologize for everything I've done, either my words, actions or other stuff. I'm sorry for taking y'all for granted before. I hope things will get better between us. And thank you (': 

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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awake

Hi, hello, heyy (‘:

How long has it been since the last entry? Lol it’s not even a month yet but I’m talking like it’s already a year or so HAHAHAHA I’m sorry, I just donno how to start an entry again. Help me pls, I really need motivation and inspiration ugh

Oh ya, this time I’m gonna say things that have been bothering since last year, or maybe since I’m being a kpop fan , well for some people they will say me as ‘bts fan or army’. Why talking about this suddenly? I have encountered many people that hate on me because I’m a fan of kpop. It’s tiring to explain all of things to em because we know how ignorant people can be, even though they might be the closest to us. After all, they are human, well me too. So I really can’t make them satisfy, that’s not my nature to do so.

Erm first of all, my family. I’m not going to badmouth em, it’s just like a rant because honestly I can’t and never say this in front of them. IT’S DANGEROUS Y’ALL AND I WOULD NEVER DIG MY OWN GRAVE HAHAHHAHAHAH okay my parents are okay with it, or maybe they’re just getting tired of me because I keep claiming that my bias (PARK JIMIN y’all) as my boyfriend HAHAHAHAH even my mom asked me to get a real boyfriend because she can’t stand looking at her desperate daughter lol

                But the real problem is my sister (she’s not really a problem but in some way she is). She keep complaining that I keep on spending money for merchandise posters pictures albums and what so ever, but okay lemme clear this thing out, I didn’t even use their money. I admit I got money for my study but yeah, using it for months in college and for the sake of my stomach, which keep asking for more foods and expensive stuff eww but hey, I joined airforce for nothing, huh? I went training for weeks, exhausted days of weekends, almost a month of annual camp which I attended twice already and that’s how I got my money sisterrrrrrrrr hmm…. I know what you mean of saving money, don’t waste the money they sent to me but look, I’m just using it for my daily stuff. I know where my limit is, I know which money for which stuff so please stop being stereotype, and telling me like I’m a useless daughter just because I have a thing for bts hmm

Next, my fellow friend(s) hah

This could be one person only but nae, this going to be a long list but I guess mentioning their names here won’t get me any benefit. It’s just, guyyyyysss, stop stereotyping me too. Y’all can see me fangirling over my bois every second but guess y’all won’t see my struggles, my good deeds because who gonna show them when you know your own pure intention and He knows it as well. I’m too concern about showing my passion towards them before but it seems like it’s getting worse these days. Because of what?? Maybe I’m getting matured a lil bit, to show anything publicly or talking about it too much especially to those who doesn’t even care about it. Oh gosh, I’m getting nowhere kan.. okay laa, to be honest, there’s two type of friends that I’ve been encountering since then, which is first, those who acknowledged me as a fanatic kpop fans and second, those who acknowledged me as an obsessed army that doesn’t give a fuck about other groups and highly mentioning and praising bts only. These 2 kind of friend really getting on my nerve but I tried to shoo them away. Sometimes you really need to keep yourself away from toxic people HAHAHAHAHA in my case, they are BASICALLY the TOXIC PEOPLE in my life ( idgaf about their lives tho). Okay, people really need to respect other preferences and choices. They somehow managed to respect but with their mouth as well, insulting me like it’s a joke. We really have to work at ourselves to think before saying anything, especially talking bullshit. I wish I can talk more but my writing is getting worse by each word and I’m afraid if my point can’t be delivered (but I think people can’t understand anything anymore because I can’t say it in a wise way or organized way I’m sorry)

Well, for now that’s the only concern I have (about kpop laa) and I really wish I can ignore this, but sadly I can’t. I really want to rant more but it’s almost 0300 now and I have class at 1000. I should be sleeping by now hahahahahaha I don’t know if this entry make me feel a lil bit relieve…. See, I can’t even don’t know how to close this entry but whatever, see y’all again xoxo

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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see and saw

Hii y'all.. It's been a while since the last entry and it's kinda awkward to be here back. It's not that I want to permanently leave it but I'm just using this as a medium to share more about bangtan to sns. I didn't feel really good right now and that explains why no more entry about me ranting my feelings. To be honest, I want to, but since I've been suppressing my feelings a lot, I've become numb when it comes to words. Really, I can't even talk properly about it too.



It's weird how I want to rant more and more when I'm at twitter but when I'm here, I tried to make it simple but that's not the point why are blog is made ammirite? I become another person at different socmed, and it's really tiring. I don't want to but it happens occasionally. Hell, I can't even think of words that suitable now as I don't really write things. Yeah as I said I ranted more on twitter but since it has limited word, I tried to make it short. I've lost (or is it loss) many grammar because of this hahahaha silly me



Hmm actually things have been so rough for these few years, it's really hard that I even changed to this. This, what I mean is, someone that couldn't talk so much about feelings, can't speak freely with anyone, being too judgemental, easily getting triggered about silly stuff, getting paranoid over simple things, and so many more. It's not like I not like that before this, it's just this became worse and I don't like it, really. I want to talk about it but still, my mind my heart my conscience really don't want me to hahahahaha maybe after a while I guess. After I try to open up more, then I'll tell ya.



To be honest (okay is it time for confession lol), I tried to not say anything too much because I'm afraid I might spill more lies. Know when people said 'people who talk too much, tell more lies'?? Bet you've heard this anywhere. People like me, who have many secrets (more to dirty secrets), tend to make another lies to save themselves. And that's make it harder, because we need to remember the lies we told. It's not easy when the stories known to a quite number of people. It's hard to stay stick at A when you have different backgrounds of friends (or acquaintance). Because, when you have A group of friends, you need to tell em A lie. When it comes to B group of friends, you need to tell another lie, which is B lie. And it goes on to C, D, E and the list goes on.



I tried to make it simple but covering some of facts to make another lie. Haha, what am I doing right now omg. How silly am I. Nahh, I'm just explaining you why I don't like talking anymore. Eventho I'm reality life, I'm still a talkative person hahahahah it's not easy to become a silent person at all, pheww.



But here I am again, try to put all my feelings into words, to deliver things that my mouth can't say, to say things that have been wandering in my mind, to anonymous, random people or anyone. Should I cover my identity then? Hahaha oh gosh, I still dont feel at ease at all. Maybe it helps, a lil bit. But never mind, I wish things will get easier as the time flies. Y'all don't really get my point right? Issokay, I don't intend to do so lol..



Thank you for coming to my ted talk xoxo

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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