badbye

Hello guys (':

Again, I'm in a mess. Worse than before. But thank God I still can cover it up in front of my friends. I still can make a joke, I still can laugh, I still can play around in a midst of stress and pressure. I'm trying to live my life to the fullest, okay I TRIED. but in the end, I'm still a mess. 

I'm so fucked-up and I don't care anymore. I don't know what to do with this, so I ended up letting it be, be it better or worse. I'm just following the path without thinking much. Some people can look through me, they know how broken I am, how mess I am. It's okay, it doesn't matter anymore.

I don't do relationship.

One of conclusion that I can agree on right now. I don't know why but I want this.

I don't want to get attached just to hurt them (or myself).

I want some attention but at the same time I don't want it. I guess I'm just a desperate person. Wanted to be noticed but nothing more than that.

I missed being called baby, love and so on but then I'll get cringe and can't stand it.

I want someone to ask me how's my day but at the end of the day, I know I don't want to talk about anything.

I missed when someone get clingy with me to only me getting irritated and suffocated because of the closeness (fuck)

I hate it that I want em to feel appreciated when I'll just gonna ignore them (I'm a jerk ik)

There are so many more things that I want  to happen but I don't want it for damn unknown reason. How do you call this? Stupid? Asshole? Badass? Idk what to call myself though.

This is crazy, I hate the fact that I'm feeling like this. But I feel like I should do it. To make sure people don't get attached to me. To make sure they know what type of person I really am.. To let them sure that I ain't a good girl, but a bitxh instead. To give them a reason to let them get away from me before any bad things happen. When it happen, you can't hate me more than I hate myself.

I'm not degrading myself, I'm just stating facts.
The feelings that come and go, thus make me mad, alone.
I'm not dangerous, I'm just a toxic person.

Dear, I know my blog title is "Love yourself" but I ain't going to do it for now. I'm trying to let y'all to love yourself first, by keeping yourself away from me. You shouldn't let yourself get hurt. No matter what your intention is, just don't. Either being a friend or more than that (which I assumed I'm just perasan yknow). I'm not a good friend, and a worse girlfriend you could think of hahahahaha

Okay this whole entry really a crap, I wish I didn't let y'all read this but I want it to, so here you are; already at the end of the entry. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk and have a nice day (":

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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