blue

So, hello again guys. 

We've passed 2 months and it's a YEAY YEAY!! I'm barely breathing, so many things need to be done by the end of February and it's tiring as fuck. And I just realized that I'm two weeks away from midterms omg. This is the first time I feel that the time flies so fast. So, how's your life?? I hope wherever and whenever you are, things will get easier and nothing bad happen. 

Hmm what now? I don't really know what am I going to share for this entry. Well, I might have things to say but I don't know if I'm ready to let it out. These kinda so personal, yet feel so good to be expressed. 

I guess, it's now or never. Lol, it feels so serious what am I doing for God's sake. Erm, okay lemme start. It's just I feel empty, numb and isolated. I always feel like it. Like I didn't deserve anyone. And I have to change myself to get accepted. To feel appreciated. I always want to be in their standard, knowing that it's kinda impossible for the time being. I hate that this always bothering me, makes me sad out of nowhere. 

My study isn't going really well too I guess. I tried to put more effort but maybe it's just doesn't feel enough. I feel that I'm the stupidest person in here. Imagine not having any idea for anything, like hello avie, you've been studying here for 3 years yet you know nothing?? I feel bad towards myself but.. Ugh god dammit, I still feel lost. 

Crush? Just the same. Nothing really happened. He's doing well with his life and I'm still a mess. Waiting every second for his replies. Smiling at the sound of notifications of him. Reply to him as soon as possible. My heart still beats faster at the thought of him. But... Maybe it's just from me point of view. I don't know what does he think of me. I wish I didn't fall this deep. It hurts yknow. I will never get him, or even make him think twice of me. I need time to move on. 

I'm tired actually. With people around me. I wish I can vanish and just leave in another world. I want to be alone but don't want to feel lonely. I want to love myself more but why does it so hard?? I need motivations because honestly, I've lost will to do better than now. I'm too tired to think that I'm just living my life the way it is. Follow the flow I guess. Anyways, good night. I should go to sleep. 

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13121 - Wish You Were Here - 032112 - A Fake :) Can Hide A Million T_T - ASSALAMUALAIKUM ~! (:

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